Ming's Musings

Back in Cebu! I forgot too many things.

2009-11-13T07:33:00.001-08:00

I forgot that you needed to bring toilet paper whereever you go in case you used a public bathroom.
I forgot about mice running around the house, cockroaches, lizards, spiders, etc.
I forgot so many things, but am still glad I am home, since there is no place like home.

moved

2006-07-11T00:37:00.000-07:00

Visit Ming's Musings

Family Reunion

2006-06-05T23:17:00.000-07:00

I just came back from a family reunion. It was the first time I have been with my brothers and sister for more than 3 decades. It is great to see family and spent some time with my siblings and relatives, but it is also very exhausting. Only family knows how to push all your trigger buttons. There was a lot of "He said, and she said, and now what????" I am mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained from this vacation. I could use another vacation.

coming home

2006-05-01T00:27:00.000-07:00

I am really excited for my upcoming trip to Cebu. I have not been home in 2 years.
I am so excited to meet my friends and family. On the other hand, I dread what friends and family always say. Instead of hugging me and asking me how I am, they normally ask, "Did you gain weight?" Or...."Hey...you gained weight, you are not pregnant, are you?" "Ouch!" I can only say. :(

I don't understand why friends greet me this way. I met a schoolmate named Joji a couple of years ago who migrated to Australia. I did not see her in more than twenty years and I thought she looked good. However, she said she was on a diet pill. "Why?" I asked. "Personally think you look very good!" She replied, "I thought I was okay until I came home. Everybody said I gained weight. In Australia, I live in an Italian community. They all think I am thin."

Another friend of mine, Hanni, who was half Filipina and half German claims she avoids her Filipina relatives. "Why?" I curiously asked. "Well, they say my face look like a mooncake, and they think muscles is fat." My friend was an aerobic trainer and pretty buffed and tone. She actually was very pretty and gorgeous. "Oh, don't mind them" I advised. "Some people can be jealous and will give you a rough time about your looks. But you really look good, believe me." "I know," She responded. "But you can't help getting inferiority complex when you come home and visit."

Actually, I get the same comments when I meet my Filipino friends abroad as well. When I meet them, they would first comment on my physical weight, wether I lost or gained weight before they really ask me how I am. I wonder if this is a national trait, or how this all began....

Happy Easter!

2006-04-17T00:40:00.000-07:00

Those were the days. When I was a child, I was living in a real fun neighborhood. We lived in a private compound and half of the people in the neighborhood was related to me. It was really fun! The adults in the neighborhood always organized events to keep us kids busy and away from trouble.One of those fun memorable events was Easter Sunday.
We all went to church and right after the service, we went easter egg hunting. The adults in the neighborhood took pains to paint the eggs and hide them everywhere. My grandpa used to have a tree orchard, and the eggs were not too visible in the tall trees and grasses. Nevertheless, we had fun searching for them. Some of the Elders did not really care to paint and hide some eggs for us,they gave us some money instead. Overall, we were all happy campers from eating too much eggs , and satisfied from the collection of coins jingling in our pockets.

My sister and I spoke on the phone today, as we reminiscence on the good old days. "Mom used to make such a big deal of it" she said. "No matter how tired she is, she'd always prepare something. Now that she is no longer around, why bother?"

It was really wet, cold, and pouring rain today, as I stayed close to the fireplace. I felt the same way as my sister. "Yeah, it's one of those rainy lazy days, you want to stay in your jammies and stay warm at home all day long. That was about it, my Happy Easter day."

Family Reunion

2006-04-05T23:45:00.000-07:00

My family have been trying to organize a family reunion for the longest time. This time we really wanted to get together in honor of my mother who really valued family reunions. She kept in touch with all my brothers and sister and updated everyone on everyone's activites. Since she passed away, it seemed like we were all disconnected from each other. So in her honor, my brothers and sister are trying to make an effort to get together again. It is just not so easy because we live a thousand miles away from each other, (Philippines, USA, Cambodia and Germany) and we all have busy lives and schedules with our own families.

It is ironic that when someone dies, we all drop everything we are doing, and fly to their funeral from whereever we are. Even if we did not have the financial budget, we find means and ways to fly. This time we really do want to celebrate the living rather than wait for someone to die. I am looking forward to our reunion in May in Cebu.

A good cry!

2006-03-22T22:15:00.000-08:00

There are just times when I feel like a good cry. I used to rent Filipino drama movies and cry my heart out! Today, I watch Tyra, Montel Williams Show or Unsolved Mysteries, and await family reunions. That's a real tear-jerker for me. When an adopted son/daughter is looking for their parent and vice-versa, or simply family reunions. I dont understand why it gets me so. Maybe a part of my shattered self seeks to retrieve the other parts of myself in the universe ?! Whatever... I alway feel that a good cry is cleansing for my soul!

DIFFICULT

2006-03-05T10:00:00.000-08:00

I was just chatting with my daughter Tifani on the phone yesterday. She lives in Heidelberg, Germany while I am calling her from California, USA. "How are you Princess?" I asked her. "I am fine mother", she answered me. "Hey, are you dating someone special?" I asked being a nosy mother. "Yeah", she affirmed. "We are kinda' dating but it's nothing serious. He's a little bit difficult." "Oh, really?" I asked getting nosier. "Mom, why am I drawn to difficult people all the time?" she asked me.

I wish I had an answer to that except that she probably inherited that trait from me. "I am drawn to difficult situations, people, places and things. If it was any easier I'd get bored." I shared to make her feel better. "I know", she agreed."I used to have a boyfriend who did everything I asked him to. I also got bored with him, although he was such a nice guy!" she added. "But don't we lose so much energy to be in a difficult situation? It's simply stressful."

"Well, I think difficult or stressful situations forces us to think and eventually we grow from it. We are old souls." I explained. "Who we?" she asked. "You and me. We bring light into people's lives, as much as people want to steal or destroy our light.It is not about winning or losing. It is about compassion. It is understanding what the other person is going through, and what makes him/her that way. In the end, we are always a better person, when we learn and grow from it. And if we don't.. the situation always repeats itself, until we learn and grow.There is no other path or shortcuts".

That's just what I personally think.

ROXIE

2006-02-07T09:48:00.000-08:00

We finally have a new addition in the house!! Hooray!
No, I am not pregnant. I am getting a puppy for Valentine's Day!
"When is she coming?" I impatiently asked my husband. "One day, I'll just come home with her and surprise you." He teased me. "But I need to know!", I persisted. "Why?" He asked. "I need to prepare the house, maybe put some welcome banners, balloons, or something...!" I said excitedly. My husband sarcastically responded, "You don't need to do that... she's only a PUPPY!!!"

Implants

2006-01-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

We were just discussing today how young girls these days expect their parents to pay for their breast implants."Wow" I said. "How terrible to be under this pressure, do you think they get this from school?". "yeah..." Alicia responded. "They probably get all this pressures from the movies, magazines, and society in genral...!?"

"Funny, in the Philippines, the people are not so much into the breast implants but if they had the courage and naturally the cash... they'd go for a nose job!" I said.

"In Taiwan" my friend Sharon chipped in, "they have thier eyes slit wide open".

The pain people have to go through to achieve a certain standard of beauty. I choose to develop my inner beauty, it is cheaper and less painful that way.:)

Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T23:49:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was a young girl from Cebu we we asked to wear polka dot dresses as the dots signify money! The more dots...the more money!

Bunny Wedding

2005-12-29T22:54:00.000-08:00

I just flew in from Mexico, and was still zoned out from my trip when my lovely dear neighbor came to call. "Ming, I just want to drop by and give you something for christmas!" she said. "Great! My house is a mess, I am a mess, I am physically here but my spirit is still in Mexico!" I replied. "No Problem!" she says, "I don't have make-up on either and am still in my jammies too!" So she came during lunchtime and we started to catch up over the season's activities while I was gone.

"I gotta go now" she says as she started to get up "I still have to attending a bunny wedding!" "Oh, who's getting married? " I asked curiously. "Honey Spice and Butterscotch!They are my daughter's bunnies!" She beamed like a proud bunny mother-in-law. She explained further, "They have been breeding without end, so my daughter decided to wed them rather than let them live in sin! Isabela, my granddaughter is so excited, she will be the flower girl once more!" "Oh how cool!Will there be a reception?" I asked. "Yes! Definitely!" she responded. "Wow" I exclaimed."
Please take some pictures!"

Thanksgiving Dinner

2005-12-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

Here's a picture of my thanksgiving dinner with my family. It is hard to get everyone together because my family is strewn all over the world. We have been working on a family reunion and writing to everyone how imporatant it is.. but somehow, we can't make our schedules jive especially if it involves, vacations and air fares. It's funny when someone dear to us dies, no question about it, suddenly everyone drops everything they are doing at the drop of a hat, and shows up for the dead. I remember when my mother died, I flew from Frankfurt Germany to San Franciso, California for just 3 days just to be there for her funeral. It took me 15 hours to fly there and 15 hours to fly back. Wish we could make more time for the living than the dead.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2005-11-18T00:53:00.000-08:00

I hear this question all around me, mind you...from grown-ups!!!
"I still don't know what I want to do with my life!?!", wether they are 30, 40, and going 50. Maybe, one should ask the question, what do I want to be when I grow younger....??? Second childhood...perhaps?

I always advise,"Try to remember what you always dreamed of when you were a child, or what is your favorite hobby? They always give us insights to our soul's desire."

Thank God, I've always know what I wanted to do with myself.I wanted to travel, learn new languages and I've taken cared of that. Now, I just want to write, write and write til my ink runs dry...

Thanksgiving ...

2005-11-09T23:47:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving day is coming soon, and I look forward to the festivities. This was my mom's favorite day amongst all the holidays . She honored thanksgiving even more than her birthday. I guess, she felt that she really had a lot to be thankful for, even if her life was filled with pain.She was joyous and thankful everyday for every blessing that came her way. In fact,she ate her thanksgiving supper 7 years ago, and said, "I am going to bed now, I am tired". She slept unusually long and peaceful...and she never woke up. :(

Hey, Mom it's been 7 years now since you pass, and I am real sorry for all the things I have done and not done to you. Today, you let me remember... Thank you for everything you have done for me. You are so beautiful, and your memory lives intensely in my heart. I love you.

the scale scare

2005-10-24T00:36:00.000-07:00

"I dont even want to look at the scale this weekend, I dont want it to spoil my weekend." Rose exclaimed.

"Oh my God, i gained 2 pounds. I am so depressed." my daughter Tifani cried."Mom, you have to respond 'you're not fat!'"

"Just when i got rid of all my size 5/6 clothes, i gained 10 pounds overnight. I am so depressed and miserable." My sister whined, relishing a dress size of one for a considerable length of time.

"It take me 5 days to lose 2 pounds only to regain it over the weekend in 2 days." I added to their tales of weight and misery.

We give too much importance to weight and let it wear us down, drag our days and weeks. Even when we know that we are more than a number, and inner beauty is what matters.

How do we get out of this scale scare? Maybe, just throw the scale out of the window...!After all, what we dont know, a few pounds here and there...won't hurt us. :)

No Guts, No Glory

2005-10-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

"No guts, no glory" I always heard dad say.In my case, "I was all guts, no glory!". I think my biggest enemy is my impulsive nature. I act first before I think. After reeling from the consequences of my actions, I start pondering and wondering why I ever did it?!! Of course, if i started thinking first, I would end up doing nothing at all with my life. I would just get stuck forever with a thought.

"Just do it!", was a line I always lived by. People who know me always think I am brave and fearless. But I guess I act out based on my fears. When I look back on all the wild and crazy things i did, I wonder now, how i ever did it? Now, I even shudder at the thought. Is is because I am growing older and wiser? Or just plain old?

Weeding

2005-10-09T01:08:00.000-07:00

"You got to pull from the roots!" Peggy, Jan's friend told her one day. From that day on... everything Jan did,she applied this phrase to her daily life."Pull from the roots!", echoed in her mind constantly. Years later, when she met Peggy again she said,
"You once told me_I have to pull from the roots. I have applied it to my daily life and it does make sense. Thank you so much!" Peggy looked at her, bewildered and replied,
"I dont remember saying that to you at all?!" Than she smiled,"Oh, I remember now, I only meant the WEEDS!"

Depression

2005-10-02T02:22:00.000-07:00

"How are you doing Schatzi"? I asked my daughter who lives in Germany while we were chatting on the phone."Oh mom" she replied wearily."It's so strange to come home to an empty house. It's just wierd." My daughter just spent 2 months with me in california and we were both going through a seperation angst.

"Darling, just hang on in there. Keep yourself busy, work out, write in your journal, strum your guitar, continue your break dance classes and lastly do some charity work.Volunteer." I continued. "Make new goals for yourself. Write them down. What do you want to happen in a year, 5 years, and 10 years? You will get excited about life again.You'd be excited to greet a brand new day!"

"How do you know all of this Mom?" she wondered."I really dont know darling. All I know, is it works for me. Living is not about what life gives to you, what matters is what you can give to this life!"

Relationships

2005-09-28T00:18:00.000-07:00

In my webclass today, we were discussing our activites from the weekend that passed. "I just spend a weekend north of california in Ferndale to be part of a renewal of vows."I shared. "Oh really?", my classmates ask amused. "Do people still really do that ?" Funny, we actually knew circa. 5 couples who got married last weekend, including one classmate of ours.Isn't it sad, if we dont believe in the sacred union of relationships no longer? What can we hope for?

Today, my cousin just told me that she just filed for divorce from her husband of 25 years.This news really hit me hard, because she was one advocate for lifetime marraiges. But it takes two to tango, so what if husband really wants out, what to do? "I was a good wife", she ruefully said. "Apparently that is not enough!"

It seems that I do have many acquaintances who are close to me that broke up in the last couple of years. Why is it when one nears 50, they look for a new lease on life? Is this the so-called mid-ife crisis? It seems like peoples start reassessing their lives and relationship when they are half a century year old, and dont want to linger in a mediocre relationship and living conditions.

It makes me sad. I did know a divorce couple from Germany who who was so happily divorced that they had to have a divorce ceremony and party. They rented a streetcar,where we continued celebrating. At the end of the night, we were smashing plates, in a Greek marraige tradition/fashion or in significance of a marraige that happily failed!???

Being an Islander

2005-09-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

People dream of an island get-away, where palm trees are aplenty, endless strolls along the beaches, waking up to the sounds of the roaring waves, chickens crowing in the background, as the full moon illuminates the island's features on a romantic starry night. Being born and raised in an island I got tired of the array of coconuts that might fall on my head and might be the demise of my short unlived life. I outgrew the catch of a fresh fish wiggling and glaring at me half-alive, as well as the stench of the sand and sea. I grew up longing, curious and wanting to know what was beyond the waters that surrounded me. I found the boundaries of the sea constricting and limiting. Thus, I had dreams of conquering the world at a very young age. The grass was always greener on the other side of the fence, or so I thought.
I grew up in a small island in the south pacific called Cebu, where people lived a carefree lifestyle, and mostly loved to sing and dance. Many men and women from my island were born with a guitar in hand and a melody in their mouth. In the rural countryside, where households were sparingly lit by fluorescent light bulbs, one could hear the strumming of the guitars, backed by the rhythm of the frolicking waves, as the people's vocals serenaded the long endless nights.
“Are you from Cebu?” people would ask me, “You must be a great singer!”. “I wish I were, I am sorry I'm not”, I would apologize. “You must be a good dancer than”, they naturally assumed. The people from my island were not reputed for their culinary talents. Meals like chicken, pork, and fish were simply grilled , mostly spiced only with salt, pepper, and maybe monosodium glutamate. We dipped them with coconut vinegar and chili, combined with rice and a pickled papaya salad. Nevertheless, it was healthy. People from my island were naturally sweet and friendly and bore a sunny disposition at all times.
A friend once asked me, "who or what do you worship in my island?". “A family that prays together stays together” was a pretext local families still lived by. My country was 90% Christian and we were proud of that percentage. That is the reason why we were named "Pearl of the Orient". We were the only christian country amongst the other countries in the far east. Even when we were 90% Christians, one still believed in the afterlife and the supernatural influences in our daily lives. We did worship, honor and respect our dead ancestors and nature before we were colonized
This is just a brief summary of my wonderful island paradise.. Things have probably changed with the onset of modern technology, and the increasing population. But when I returned to my country from my exodus of more than 20 years living abroad, I realize some things, like our island hearts and beliefs remain the same, unfazed by modern technology despite being subjected to the influence of various foreign cultures. Being away makes me appreciate that there is "no place like home."